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July 15th, 2012

11:24 am
Step 1: Injure foot badly to the point of barely being able to walk.

Step 2: Tell mother.

Step 3: Get scolded by mother who thinks I'm always hurt and too clumsy.

Step 4: What the fuck.

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May 7th, 2012

09:41 am - Part of the solution
I've decided that if I can't do anything about my career, I can do something about my physical and mental well being. After my depressing breakdown (see previous post lol), I woke up the next morning and decided to try and stop the misery. I can't make somebody give me a job, but I can use all the free time I have to work on things I'd like to improve and make myself 100 times happier about life.

I have started a strict workout regimen, combined with healthy eating and a studious approach to life. It's part inspired by my frequent conversations with Dan about healthy meals XD and part inspired by living and working out with Phil in Japan in the winter of 2008. This means less time on the computer and more biking, running, walking; less frozen pizza and more organic porkchops and greens! Instead of watching TV before bed, I read. That's what I always used to do anyway!

All these things make me so much happier. Life still isn't perfect, and I do sometimes lapse into moments of sad self pity, but they last less time and I quickly DO something to distract myself or to ready myself for that moment when I do find that perfect job and need to ace an interview or a test.

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May 5th, 2012

09:01 pm - My life for half a year and where I am now
The search for a proper job continues. I've grown disillusioned with almost everything in my life. I completed my Master's degree in History late in August of 2011 and have been searching for work since then.

What I got right away at an insurance company wasn't for me. If it had simply been boring, then I would have stuck it out for a few more months in order to make a bit of money to secure my life. However, I couldn't even do that. It took a physical toll on me, making me feel physically ill every day and leaving me emotionally unstable and with a shattered self confidence. I had to get out quickly. I quit after just over a month.

Next, I got a job in retail, and this is where I am now. The work is more active than the insurance work, which I appreciate, but the fact that I have a Master's degree, have three years of experience teaching in Japan, and double that experience dancing in a company and am now getting paid minimum wage to kiss customers' asses is hard to swallow. I get 4 hours of work per week if I'm lucky. One of my co-workers is a childish, misogynistic jerk, but I have to put up with him because he has seniority. I get treated rudely by some customers who obviously have no respect for other people. Nobody who works there really knows about or really care about what I am interested in, and I find myself having not much to talk about besides whatever is trending in today's world. I can't even afford to house myself or pay the majority of my own bills. I have to borrow money. It's like I'm 4 years old again.

I've been searching for jobs, applying left and right for anything a step up from the most demeaning of jobs for a 30 year old with a good education. In place of job openings I find articles in the newspaper about tens of thousands of jobs being cut after the government revealed its budget. What I do find and apply for I am not qualified to do because of some missing qualification - a TESOL certificate, fluency in French...

The only recourse I may have left is to move back in with my parents. The idea of losing my freedom makes me hurt, but a return to Toronto would take me once again to a bigger world where, one would hope, more opportunities lie in wait. But as I have been searching for work here, I have also been searching for work in Toronto. There is nothing that I am qualified to do.

I can't work in a store that sells sweatshirts for $80.00 anymore. I can't work on Bay Street where all people want is to double their wealth. I want to do something that helps people and that makes a difference in this world. A few weeks ago when I was looking through all the government agencies and companies that I could work for, the IDRC caught my eye, and since applying for that job, I can't stop thinking about what a career in International Development would feel like. Unfortunately, because neither of my degrees are in ID or even International Relations, there are few ID companies that would want to hire me.

The IDRC job app was just a shot in the dark to see if I had the guts to apply. To see if I really wanted it enough. I certainly did want it enough. I spent five hours working on a cover letter to submit for a job I knew I had a 1% chance of getting. I hold absolutely no hopes about getting that job, as I am not exactly what they are looking for. Of *course* I believe that I could do that job with training, but they will not see it that way. But now that I've seen what's out there and what I can do, I can't go back to the regular listings. The Job Bank and Workopolis, while both valuable tools that I hope will soon get me back in some sort of reasonable stream of work, do not show me what I really want to do. Searching NGO and NPO websites helps, but I am filled with dread when the only "career" I'm qualified for is that of noisy, peppy person on the street corner convincing passersby to donate money to a cause. You know, the ones that 90% of the population ignore and walk past.

I want to do work where I handle the results in my hands and am part of the solution to a problem. Where I disseminate the knowledge that helps someone put a meal on his table or gets her a job to support a family. Something that makes me believe I am doing something that is vital to somebody's life and to the world as a whole. Something where I can put my life to a useful purpose.

So here I am, sitting in my apartment on a Saturday night, wallowing in self-pity and guilt, and wishing that I had earned this relaxation after a week of hard, meaningful work. In reality, I did not work today or yesterday, and will not work again till Thursday. In the meantime, I will continue to search for that next step up and not think about how soon I will be 30, jobless, useless, and all the more miserable for it.

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March 16th, 2012

04:22 pm
Wow. Getting a simple T4 slip for 1 month of work has never been so frustrating. Some people in this world... This is what I've had to deal with at Intact:

January 20th, 2012, I e-mail Greg from HR to let him know of my address change and to please send my T4 there.

No response.

March 1st, 2012 I e-mail to ask if the T4s for 2011 have been sent yet. I remind Greg of my address change and write it out again.

March 1st, 2011 afternoon Greg e-mails back to say that the T4s have been mailed out Tuesday and Wednesday. I will have it within the next few days.

No T4 arrives for 9 days.

March 9th, 2012 I e-mail Greg again to tell him I have not received my T4. I ask him to confirm the address my T4 was sent to. I write out my address again.

March 12, 2012 Greg e-mails back and confirms it was sent to the address I indicated.

Today, March 16th, 2012 I e-mail Greg and tell him I have still not received my T4. I again write out my address for him

Several hours later today, March 16th, 2012, Greg sends me the electronic copy of my T4 and asks me to confirm my address. I download the electronic copy, and of course it has THE WRONG ADDRESS ON IT.

He had written: "Can you confirm your address, if we do not have the correct address we can change it and once the original is returned to us we can mail it to you."

Several minutes later, March 16th, 2012, I e-mail Greg and curtly indicate that the address is incorrect and remind him AGAIN of my correct address.

What kind of buffoonery is this? I was lied to when I asked for confirmation of my address. The address I'd written out was simply copied and pasted back to me without an actual confirmation. Now, I know that people doing paperwork in a company are busy, but properly confirming the address would have saved this man a bunch of e-mails and now a re-send of my T4.

I sent the company my address FOUR times. Not once did they actually confirm it.

If a company is run like this - laziness, dishonesty, and incorrect grammar - then I should be a fucking CEO.

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March 3rd, 2012

04:23 pm
List of characters that I absolutely loathe from TV shows that I enjoy:

Finn Hudson from Glee

Declan Porter from Revenge

Eric Foreman and Gregory House from House

Aaron Hotchner from Criminal Minds

EDIT: Ok, Hotchner doesn't annoy me as much anymore. His stupid days from a few seasons back are over.

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January 3rd, 2012

04:57 pm - A cold day in (ish)
Today was cold fgmsdgsdf. We went up to South Keys and did some shopping and eating. KS on the Keys is a neat restaurant we discovered! But this pic is of some of our food yesterday.


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January 1st, 2012

09:33 pm
Commie: *searches frantically on site* "How do you post a new entry on here?"

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02:31 pm
Right now we are sitting on the couch watching SNSD vids on youtube.

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December 31st, 2011

06:13 pm
I am making a New Year's resolution to post occasionally in this journal!


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April 18th, 2010

10:13 am - Dream on the beach, divorce, book
I stayed up late watching, like, 3 episodes of Firefly in a row in bed. I had a strange dream.

I can't remember all of it, but this moment I do remember.Collapse )

I finished reading "JPod" by Douglas Coupland. The whole thing reminded me a bit of the introduction to Dave Eggers' "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius", although Coupland's novel is strictly fiction while Eggers' book is autobiographical. JPOD is about 6 people working in a gaming company. They all have their quirks and have funny relationships with one another. The story follows the narrator, Ethan, through crazy happenings at work and in his personal life, both which intersect. The novel is filled with things that make you raise an eyebrow at first, but then they become somewhat normal. Not in the Murakami style, though, because there is that initial moment when the characters themselves raise their eyebrows. I find in Murakami, when those strange things happen, the characters go with the flow. Coupland's characters have to first get into the stream. I think that makes it seem a bit more "normal". The characters are well done. It's hard to dislike any one of them, even when you look at their despicable traits. I guess all the humour (yes, this book is full of sarcasm and laughs) softens them. We laugh at and with them, even (especially?) if they're being cruel to their co-workers.

Wow, how pretentious does this look? Lookit me, reviewing a book... :P Anyway, the point is that this book was fun and definitely worth a read if you want something a bit off the regular beaten trail of novels.

Some moments:Collapse )

Still waiting for official Carleton confirmation. Starting to get impatient and annoyed. Also waiting for job calls, but not feeling impatient or annoyed since I do not know whether those will ever come. I do know the Carleton thing is supposed to come!
Current Music: RIP SLYME - Hot Chocolate | Powered by Last.fm

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